Friendly Neighborhood Hedonists

Anonymous sharing time!

2011-08-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

It's time for anonymous sharing! Leave a note, question, comment, fantasy, etc. that you wouldn't otherwise leave if you couldn't be anonymous. Or, if you're feeling brave and/or have a secret identity, use the name you like.

Something to get you started: What's a socially unacceptable (even among kink social circles) fantasy that you have? What makes it unacceptable, and what makes it hot?

Invasion

2011-04-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Your question for today (and feel free to answer anonymously): Have you ever gone to great lengths to invade the privacy of someone's sex life? Was it a good decision? Did you later regret it? Do they know?

QOTD: More sharing

2011-04-06T14:45:00.001-07:00

QOTD - When was the last time you shared something explicitly sexual (photographs, intimate details, the same sexual space, etc.) with someone other than your primary partner(s)? Is it a regular part of your sexual life, or not that common?

Morning Question: Poke Poke

2011-02-28T11:20:00.001-08:00

Your question of the morning - what percentage of the time do you have intercourse when you're doing sexy things with a partner? Are there other activities that you do more often?

QOTD: Foodstuffs

2011-02-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

Do you have experience with incorporating food into sex successfully? Not just whipped cream, bananas or other porn staples, but making food/eating part of a sexual act?

I've written a few times about how I find ripe mangos to be very erotic, and recently I'm finding that most sweet, messy foods give me a similar feeling. I know about messy food play, but that seems like an absurd extension - I'm wondering about an occasional incorporation that's beyond feeding each other strawberries, but not quite pudding wrestling.

Thoughts?

QOTD - "Pervert"

2011-01-17T11:16:00.001-08:00

Do you consider yourself a "Pervert"? Do you have a positive or negative connotation of the word? Do you prefer other terms to describe your feelings/actions/lifestyle choices?

QOTD: Uniformity in BDSM

2010-12-16T15:59:00.001-08:00

It's always seemed kinda strange to me how homogeneous (no pun intended) the bdsm fetish scene is - so much black leather/vinyl/rubber, contrived master/slave situations, odd "rules" and "scenes". Even given the variety, it's an odd amount of uniformity for an "alternative kink".

Am I the only one who thinks so? I realize there are many levels of situational play and different flavors of specific fetishs, but I've always gotten the impression that "the scene" would look negatively on anyone in the public sphere who took a very different approach. Your thoughts?

Anonymous QOTD

2010-12-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

Totally ignoring the legal/moral/ethical considerations for a moment, what's the oddest/"worst"/least socially acceptable thing you've considered (or done) sexually?

Would you do it again?

Please answer anonymously.

Libido MIA

2010-11-29T11:48:00.000-08:00

A very strange thing has been happening to me in the last couple months, and I'm not sure of the cause. Plainly put, my libido - my actual drive to do sexy things - is mostly gone.

Truly, a sad state of affairs.

As a sexually active and open male of the species, I think my general level of arousal is pretty close to normal. I can enjoy an orgasm daily, and would occasionally have a couple (morning and night, typically). Since my drive has always been higher than the wife's, I masturbate on average 4-6 times a week, sometimes more, and prefer long (30-60 minute) sessions (usually with an online component, and almost always with porn involved). While I don't obsessively think about it, attractive women that I run across during my day are usually enough to get me going for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

From what I can tell, it started around the time of my Halloween sexy party. While I was quite looking forward to it, I wasn't particularly horny about it - I was looking forward to seeing some new friends for the first time in this setting, but otherwise, my arousal level leading up was pretty normal.

Since then, however, my drive's been pretty low. I'm losing interest in masturbation. Sex is still fun, but the everyday interactions I have with attractive women and potentially arousing situations don't set me up for it anymore. My regular chat hangouts for erotic one-offs are frankly boring, and the prospect of searching for new ones isn't particularly appealing. And while I always look forward to solo hotel trips (like Vegas, etc.) for the availability of no-interruption, free-form masturbation (have kids, you'll see why these are suddenly a nice luxury), my upcoming trip isn't calling to me.

What the hell happened?

I've had slowdowns before, but nothing like this one. I'm not stressed - stress, in general, has never been a limiting factor for me in the past. My wife is still smokin' hot, and our sex has been better in the past year than it's been in a long time. The sex and masturbation I've had are both fine, it's just the "typical horny guy" aspect of my life is waining. I'm not seeing sex in every aspect of my life, like has been the norm since I was about 12. There is one redeeming factor - I seem to have more time and less errant thoughts, allowing me to focus on things. But I miss the other focus, too.

Your thoughts, questions, comments and suggestions are welcome. Should I actively seek to reclaim my teenager level of horniness? Should I welcome the free time and focus for other pursuits? More frequent masturbation has always brought me back up to speed in the past, but this time I'm lacking in scenarios that I find worth my time. I hate to think I've seen so much porn that it's all boring. What would you do?

QOTD: Cyber

2010-10-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Is "cybersex" (in any form) part of your sexual routine? This could be mutual masturbation online, webcamming, roleplay, hot chat, etc. Do you only do it with your partner? With strangers? With friends? Does all the in-person action happen at your computer, or do you take it offline?

QOTD: Getting Away With It

2010-10-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

Question of the day - What do you "get away with" that's secret/naughty/against the "rules", or that you'd rather not tell most others? Or what would you like to get away with, but haven't done yet?

QOTD: Impossible

2010-10-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

Question of the day: What's your impossible fantasy (or fantasies)? If not physically impossible, then so unlikely/improbable that you can't ever see it actually happening? Something "mainstream" like being with a celebrity, or wackier like zero-g sex? Or is it not possible given the physical laws of the universe?

Too Hot?

2010-09-27T16:58:00.001-07:00

Question of the day: Is the heat sexy? Or is it too hot out to enjoy sex/heat-inspired nudity properly?

QOTD - Safety First?

2010-09-14T15:59:00.001-07:00

Question of the day: Do you practice safe ORAL sex, either with regular partners or swinging/occasional partners? Do you do it for both cunnilingus and fellatio?

QOTD - Now what?

2010-08-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

Question of the day: After you take erotic/explicit photos or video, what do you do with them? Store? Share? Delete? How often, if ever, do you go back and watch/view them?

Desensitized...

2010-06-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

I've been coming to the realization that the proliferation of anything and everything remotely sexual on the internet has driven my kinks and fantasies toward things I very likely can't find online - like naked pictures (and sex life details) of my friends.

Has the internet desensitized you in some odd way?

QOTD: What don't you like?

2010-06-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

Question of the day has returned! What otherwise "normal" (use your own definition of "normal") sexual things are you not at all into, and/or refuse to do? Is it just not your thing? Bad past experience/association?

QOTD: Sick!

2010-05-18T14:57:00.001-07:00

Question of the day - do you hold off on sex (with other people) when you're sick? Or are you game if your partner's game? Do you masturbate less? Or does it help you feel better?

Question of the day - You, Online

2010-05-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

Are there nude pictures of you online (with or without your name or face)? Are they old/legacy pictures from some ad/website, or do you update them? Does it bother you in any way that they're up there, or do you like it?

What do you do with your "bad" fantasies?

2010-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

Like everyone, I've got a lot of sexual fantasies. This comes from thinking about sex a lot, and working things out in my head to see if they get me going. Most are of the type that I'd eventually like to try (and many I have) - specific partners, group activities, specific kinks. But there are others that I doubt will ever become reality for me, and others that really shouldn't be realized, either legally or ethically.

I'm sure you've got some like that too - what do you do with them?

I have varying degrees of "bad" fantasies. They're generally not "bad" for moral reasons, but only because they can invoke some uncomfortableness for those involved (or just associated). Some are odd or kinky or just very unlikely - on-stage gang bang, fucking my exes, holding relationships with two sisters (or a woman and her mother) at the same time, etc. Others are more taboo, but still worth thinking about - fucking two sisters at the same time, non-consensual voyeurism, public sex in front of non-interested parties, stuff like that.

Some are "worse" still. I don't tend toward violent stuff at all, but I do find myself thinking about things society, even sex-positive folks, would frown upon.

I've noticed in my many years as a sexual being, and with many years of Internet surfing under my belt, it takes a lot to shock me anymore. While I'm still turned on by a nice pair of breasts or "vanilla" sex acts, my fantasies have evolved and grown and ventured into new territory now that the standard stuff is, well, standard.

I don't "embrace" all my fantasies - I know a lot of them are unhealthy and not worth pursuing in real life. But I don't stop myself from enjoying them in the moment, especially when that "moment" is entirely in my head, or in a shared fantasy conversation. I can appreciate the absurdly kinky or non-consensual without thinking it's "right" or "good", and since I don't obsess over any of them, and I'm fully aware of both the law and what's the "right thing to do", I know what lines can't be crossed.

Your thoughts? Do you have fantasies you try not to think about? Do your own thoughts freak you out? When you find yourself turned on, do you allow the thoughts to come to light, or chase them away?

QOTD - Public

2010-04-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

What's the most public place (indoors or out) you've masturbated/had sex? Were you seen (accidentally, or on purpose)? What circumstances caused you to do it there?

QOTD - Birthday Sex

2010-04-01T13:28:00.001-07:00

Is the concept of "birthday sex" (or other special sexual treats on your partner's birthday) strange? Do you not limit yourself to specific days, or is it a good excuse? Is a birthday (or anniversary, or other day) enough of a reason for you to do something you don't usually like?

QOTD - Scheduling

2010-03-30T16:23:00.001-07:00

Do you "schedule" sex (or other playtime) with your regular partner? Or just let it happen? Are there times you both assume sex will happen (like a Saturday night), or is there always some sort of negotiation?

Guest QOTD: Outdoors

2010-03-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

Today we've got a guest Question of the Day from my dear friend Sin:

Outdoor sex. Do other people get off on it as much as me? I have a thing. beaches, forests, rain, etc. I want it. I love being topless outside. It's a weird big reason I miss Burning Man.

Currently, my obsession is wanting to fuck on top of a high rise in a big city. :)

This one gave me a rise just reading it, because I could tell how hot it was for her, so my afternoon's already better. Enjoy!

QOTD: What's Turning You On?

2010-03-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

What's turning you on recently? Any specific people, places, things? Is it totally new to you, or the return of something old?

Some FYI - I've been posting a "Question of the Day" every weekday for a couple weeks now on my Facebook page (to certain facebook friends - filters and friends lists are wonderful things when your boss and siblings can see your page), and I've been including some here so others can comment, or anyone can comment more anonymously. I'm not sure how long I'll keep it up, and I plan to have some more "normal" posts soon, but I like the quick format and the little discussions the QOTD brings.

QOTD: Still Sensitized

2010-03-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

What (if any) legal kinks/perversions/sexual acts surprise/horrify/alarm you? Do you find yourself generally less sensitive to the strange and unusual?

QOTD: Nomenclature

2010-03-22T16:03:00.000-07:00

Are you more likely to come to a party where people are free/encouraged to have sex if it's called a "sex party" or "sex-friendly" party, as opposed to "orgy"? Or does the name not matter, because you'll talk to the host for details long before committing?

QOTD: Lustful

2010-03-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

Do you tell friends when your feelings for them turn regularly lustful? Does it depend on the friend? Does it depend on the type of primary relationship you're in? Does it ever lead to lustful things?

QOTD: Underpants

2010-03-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

Does your partner's choice in undergarments make a difference in how you see them, sexually or otherwise? Do you think others judge you on yours?

QOTD: Hot, But Not For Me

2010-03-16T15:15:00.001-07:00

Do you enjoy watching pornography of acts/content that you'd never actually consider doing yourself?

Question of the Day - Inanimate

2010-03-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

What's the oddest inanimate object you've ever involved in sex play (directly or indirectly - it didn't have to be penetrated/do the penetrating)? Was this a regular occurrence? One-time situation? Someone else's kink?

Question of the Day - Missing Out

2010-03-11T15:00:00.001-08:00

Is there anything you're missing out on sexually that you don't think you'll be getting in your current relationship(s)?

QOTD: Food

2010-03-02T13:05:00.001-08:00

Food and sex are two of life's greatest pleasures. Should the two ever meet, either gastronomically or in more interesting ways? Or are two great things best left to themselves?

QOTD: Age

2010-03-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

Your discussion question of the day: What's the largest age spread that you've had between yourself and a partner? Did age ever factor into your relationship/sex? Do you prefer people much older/younger? Has it made a difference for you?

I'm entirely inexperienced with anyone more than 3 years younger or older than me, but I'd happily go 10 years in either direction, at least sexually. Thoughts?

Flash in the Pan

2010-02-17T15:32:00.000-08:00

I was lucky enough to have two lovely lady friends (who I'm not in sexual relationships with) send flashing photos to me yesterday, and it totally made my Mardi Gras. I did solicit for them, but they were still kind enough to send personalized pictures. I'm a lucky guy with sexy friends.

Perhaps it's my long-time exposure to pornography, or maybe it's the slight taboo, but seeing exposed/nude/topless pictures of friends is one of the last sexually exhilarating pornographic experiences for me. I love naked pictures of anyone, but while arousing, porn generally isn't "thrilling" to me anymore. It's hot but not unique; the internet has put almost anything I could want a few clicks away. Pictures of friends, though, have to be given - they're not available anywhere else, and that makes them very special.

Part of me almost longs for a time when simple things and little peeks could provide the same response. But as I'm neither 12 nor living through cultural sexual repression, that's just not the case, nor would I want it to be.

I like sharing as well, but as I've stated before, the sweet spot between "arousing/interesting" and "creepy/uninteresting" is a small one for guys. I'm always open to requests, though. And I'm always open to seeing more of friends.

We're all a little bit creepy and perverted...

2010-02-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

At least I hope so.

After washing my clothes yesterday in our communal laundry room, I opened the dryer next to my washer to find whites someone had put in the night before. They were cold, so I briefly considered just scooping them out and putting them on top of the dryer, but instead realized that the next dryer over was empty, so I moved my clothes there. Before leaving, however, I took another look in the full dryer, admired a pair of thong underwear, realized most of the load was men's socks, and closed the door.

Am I a weirdo?

As I get older, I'm realizing that I'm a very curious person, and I love getting little peeks into the everyday lives of other people. I love knowing (and sharing) personal minutia, and while I'm not a panty thief or peeping tom, if the opportunity presents itself, I'll most certainly take a look. Sometimes, I take steps to insure that opportunities are more common as well.

Internet barometer, I need to know how common this is.

The most interesting thing about this for me is that while I know it's an invasion of privacy, I don't care. It's kinda a psychopathic "I don't care" too - I feel no emotional pain or regret from doing it. I'm typically a very empathic person, especially when it comes to pain/suffering/hardship (of any sort). But regarding minor privacy violations, I don't feel anything at all.

So am I a creepy pervert? Probably. Are you? What do you do that you think might put you in this camp? I don't count any consensual sex as "perverted" (though you might) and usually for me the definition of perversion hinges on involving another party (with their knowledge or not). Is it something you fight against doing, or that you do happily? Does it get you off, or just satisfy your curiosity? You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine.

Alrighty, Eros.

2010-02-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

On the general suggestion of The Girlfriend, and on the specific recommendations of several friends, I signed up for OKCupid account this week, and started playing around with their interface. For those of you who haven't used it, it's a dating site like a hundred others, though it tends to skew younger, and it pretty friendly toward folks who are poly/non-monogamous. It's also run by math nerds who take their algorithms very seriously. This alone is reason enough for me to stick around.

The dating part of it is still kinda weird to me. The Girlfriend and I have been in an "open" relationship for most of the decade-plus we've been together. That said, we generally look like a very standard, monogamous couple - our swinging is discreet, and while we've told friends in the past that we're "open", neither of us has really "dated" anyone else until recently (and that's pretty discreet now, too). There's also the fact that we have a very solid investment in each other (and a kid, and a house), so other partners are much closer to "friends" than anything else, even if there are benefits.

Because of all of that, using a dating site as an individual and filling out profile information there is pretty strange to me. Much stranger than swinging together or swapping, or even The Girlfriend dating (since that's happened more organically with the guy in one of our swinging couples). It's weird writing about myself, and tweaking it in hopes of attracting someone. I can only imagine the ratio of men-looking-for-women is higher than women-looking-for-men (as it tends to be everywhere in the online dating world), so while I've thrown a few lines out there, I don't expect a whole lot of random, well-matched encounters. But sometimes I'm surprised.

The other interesting thing is that I'm wondering how I'd match up with other in my real life, though to my knowledge, most of my friends don't have OKCupid accounts. The site matches you, at first anyway, by comparing your answers on a host of different relationship and life questions, and asking what you'd like a partner to answer (and how important their answer is). I've come up with a few people who I match almost completely, and I while we'd have lots to talk about, I don't know if we're actually good matches. A good way to compare, for me, would be to see what friends rank, given what I know about them. If you're on the site, let me know (I'm OCHedonist).

In the end, I'm not sure it'll be fruitful, but it's fun, and maybe I'll make some friends (I'm honestly just as interested in new friends, even if there's no sex involved). Either way, it's definitely weird.

The assumption of female bisexuality

2010-02-01T13:07:00.001-08:00

One of the most positive developments to come out of the sexual and feminist revolutions of the past half-century is that women are much more free to express themselves sexually than any other time in post-Victorian western society. Add the internet, with it's reach and possibility for anonymity, and sexual expression is almost limitless. There are still obstacles to be overcome, of course, but in general we're living in very open times.

One outcome of all of this is the rise (or perceived rise) in female bisexuality. This is true both for "true" bisexuals (those interested in relationships with both men and women) and "the other kind" - those who enjoy sex with both men and women, but are still only interested in relationships with the opposite sex.

(There's much more to be written on the subject of the separation of these two "types" of bisexual activity in mainstream and sex-positive culture, but that can happen latter).

While positive, to be sure (sexual openness and pleasure are Good Things), there's an unintended consequence: straight but sexually adventurous women, like my girlfriend, find themselves in a weird place.

Some background: My girlfriend and I swing. We both like sex, and enjoy a variety of partners. When we started searching online for other couples to swap and swing with, however, we were constantly running into the "looking for a bi girl" roadblock. A huge percentage of couples online looking for couples seemed really to be looking for a girl, but since single bi girls aren't exactly a dime a dozen, they're "willing" to take a couple. If the girl in the couple's not bi, however, they're not interested.

If girl-girl play is a big part of the appeal for them, that's totally cool. We're all looking for some specifics when it comes to sex, and just like in all relationships, most people aren't good matches for most other people. But it makes me wonder where the line is between "women are free to express themselves sexually" and "my boyfriend wants to see me eat pussy, and I'll do anything to make him happy, even if it's not my thing".

None of this seems to both my girlfriend, who isn't going to do anything she's not interested in. But I wonder how many women out there feel like they "need" to at least experiment bisexually - not only because their boyfriends want them to, but because it's assumed that in order to be a good sexual person, you have to be willing to do things you'd really rather not.

Through all this, we've met some amazing people who self-identify as "bisexual", but enjoy us as a couple even without the girl-girl play. And there are plenty others out there, though finding them through the maze of "looking for a girl or couple" profiles is tough.

The line here isn't drawn at bisexuality - there are plenty of other sexual activities both men and women are expected to like, and if they don't, they're considered "bad partners", even by the "sex-positive" world (oral sex, most notably). While the credo of the sex-positive world is "do what you like with consenting partners", it seems to me like there are still some "expected standards", and those might need some reevaluating.

Your thoughts, as always, are welcome.

On Nudism

2010-01-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

Though I'm not entirely sure why, part of me wants to be a nudist. There's a lot of overlap in the nudist and swinger communities - perhaps being naked inspires sex and swapping, or perhaps the types of people who are open to one new/different thing are open to others, too. Many times I've thought to myself "hey, why not, let's just try it".

I don't like it.

Don't get me wrong - for sex, showers, more sex, etc., I enjoy being naked, and I'm not a shy person by nature (semi-anonymous, yes, but not at all shy). But if I'm just lounging around, I really prefer to have at least something on below the waist (even if it's just a wrapped towel or loose shorts). It's reassuring. Is this 30 years of Puritan America strangling my inner nudist?

I don't think so.

To put it bluntly, I don't care for all the flopping around. Gravity has always been kind to me, but there's still a bit of wiggle room in there, and letting it all hang out isn't always the most comfortable thing in the world. And fabric, while thin, offers me a level of protection against accidental nicks, knocks and abrasion.

Though I've been self conscious in the past, I've really gotten past that, especially with sex partners (if we're going to have sex, or even be very open about it, I'm totally cool with you seeing my imperfections). I'm not someone who needs to cover up for modesty's sake. But as much as I might want to, I think I'll cover up just a little until I'm needed, thanks.

Do you go nude at home as a matter of course? Or stay nude if sex has happened/will happen again soon? Have you gone a step further and been to a nudist camp/resort? Are my issues common, even among some nudists? I'd love to know.

Sexy resolutions

2009-12-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not really big on New Years resolutions - I'm more of a "do it when it needs doing" kinda guy. But new beginnings are always a good time to give yourself some goals, and while most of mine are pretty run-of-the-mill, There's always time to share some of the more explicit ones. My sexy goals for 2010:

- Host another sex party. The last one was great - all friends, very comfortable situation, and some very hot sex. I've got more friends interested, but they're up and down the state. I'm aiming for 4-5 couples. This one is totally doable.

- Broach the subject. I think I have more friends who would be totally comfortable knowing more about my lifestyle, and I'm not a huge fan about keeping this kind of secret. I'd like to let more friends know the basics, and they can inquire more if they're interested.

- See you naked. Well, again. It's been a while.

- Meet more swingers. I'd like to meet at least one other couple in person with the girlfriend (most likely from AFF) and see if we're a good match. We've had good luck with two of the three we've met in the past, so it's worth trying again.

- Masturbate more. My numbers were way down in 2009, for a variety of reasons. I started to pick it up in 3Q, but it wasn't enough to give me a year-over-year increase over 2008. I have high hopes for 2010.

- Have a mutually-agreed upon one-night stand. Friend or semi-stranger, either one is good.

I'm sure there are more, and I'll talk about them once I think of them.

What are yours?

Educate me about fisting...

2009-12-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

...because I'm curious.

I'm not one to require a good reason to do something sexual, but I've found that most popular sex acts (and lots of less popular ones) have a good reason behind them. Is the point of fisting simply to do it because you can? To see if your whole hand (and some of your arm) fits? Is the fist used to thrust like a giant cock? Or more like an anal toy that's placed to provide pleasure through stretching? I've never seen it done in real life, so I'm honestly curious. Your insights are welcome.

Random thoughts of the day

2009-12-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

A friend asked me today "how many couples use toys in regular sex play?". I told her that I don't, at least not regularly, but that has as much to do with my lady not being into them as it does with my (or our) desire to spice things up. I have a sneaking suspicion that for couples, most toy use is specifically aimed at aiding and achieving female orgasm - not that there's anything wrong with that.

I think the next group sex event will be in Vegas, if only because it's as central as anywhere else, and hotel suites are plentiful. I wish inviting all the people I'd like there wasn't made awkward by some of those people's past associations with each other. Such is life.

I need to start a support group (or social group?) for swingers who happen to have kids. I'm having trouble coming up with a name, however, that won't get me weird looks or accusations of unsavory intentions.

Anyone have any good advice for broaching the subject of swinging with friends? I always feel like I'm gonna come off like a pervert for bringing up the subject, but waiting for the right "in" usually means never talking about it at all.

That's all for today. Thanks for reading! Thanks more for commenting and adding your own thoughts to mine! =D

A quickie question...

2009-11-30T23:38:00.001-08:00

Do you think all people have some bisexual tendencies (or fantasies, or leanings)? Or do some people's needles really only point to "straight"? I asked a similar question on Twitter, and received a response saying "all women are bi" - I disagree strongly (having dated two who, despite plenty of opportunities, absolutely were not).

I like to think of sexual preference as a spectrum, with people at all different points. I also happen to think that the desire for a relationship with someone is not intrinsically connected to their desire to have sex with someone - I can imagine (and could likely enjoy) bisexual play in the right group situation, but I have absolutely no desire for a romantic relationship with a man. Thoughts?

Flirting Male Exhibitionist's Lament

2009-11-24T16:45:00.000-08:00

I talked about this in a twitter post today, but I'm finding myself jealous of women because they have more body parts that men (and women) are curious to see. A titty flash has a unique place in our culture of being a bit "naughty" without necessarily being sexual: it can simply be revealing.

There are sexual connotations, of course, often related to the free-spiritedness or relative sexual openness of the flasher, but unlike a male cock flash (or cock picture), the message isn't "here is what I fuck with", but instead "here's a peek!" I'm not sure there's anything equivalent for men, especially anything that doesn't scream "I'm showing off hoping to attract you as a mate!" - I'm thinking anything shirtless showing off muscles, or the like.

There's probably a lot of baggage here tied in with objectified female sexuality and repression, and there is certainly a double standard in most places regarding having to covering up. But from an exhibitionist's point of view, I'm at a loss for how (or what) to show off that doesn't jump immediately into "overtly sexual" territory. There's a visual progression of flirting that comes with clothing removal for women that just doesn't seem to have a male equivalent. It's weird, and I'm jealous - I just wanna show something off.

Who's bad?

2009-11-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

Sitting in traffic today, and seeing a license plate reading "MZ BEHVN", I realized that while pretending to be "bad" and to "misbehave" can be fun, it's odd that so many people define their fun in terms of the negative connotations associated with them. We like "bad girls", brag about our "sins", and indulge in "guilty pleasures" - usually pretty openly too, at least with those we're sharing with.

Many of these things are simply language constructs: terms retain meanings through time, so "fooling around" doesn't mean you're doing anything bad, it's just the language we use to refer to something that may have been "foolish" a few generations back. But I think too often, people honestly feel like they have to be "bad" to enjoy themselves, whether it's having good sex or eating good food.

Is that healthy? I dunno. I prefer being open and honest with myself, and think it's a better approach to life. I think the real harm comes in actually feeling bad or guilty afterward, then having to deal with those feelings, and starting all over again when the urge to "sin" comes back. I think feeling good about everything you do is a good way to live your life. Then again, most people aren't hedonists...

Hi readers!

2009-11-10T12:25:00.001-08:00

In addition to the folks that Blogger tells me are following, there's a dozen more that subscribe to the feed via Google (or maybe everywhere, Google Reader isn't clear on that). Add to that the folks who read randomly when they see a post update on Twitter, and there's a small but interested readership here. Who knew?

If you know how to ask Google Reader who, specifically, is subscribing to a feed, let me know. It's part ego stroking and part technological interest. Really.

So, yeah, sex. It's good. No new partners lately, but there's a couple we'll likely meet in the next few weeks to see if we click. All this is tough when you're a parent - finding babysitting is decidingly unsexy. I'm also missing my old "chat about sex, or other things, just randomly 'cause we're both online" chat partners. I was flush with such friends a few years ago, but now most don't find their way online much. Always on the lookout for new ones.

Thanks for reading, everyone! It's nice writing again.

How kinky is kinky?

2009-10-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

I always find it interesting to talk to different people and find that something I consider pretty standard is "kinky" to them, and an activity/position/etc. that's everyday for them is unusual to me. For example, I have friends who regularly practice anal sex, but she won't swallow during a blow job. To me, very strange. To them, normal.

I'd put the following list of activities in "tier three" - tier one being very vanilla sex, tier two being the standard array of activities (multiple positions, oral sex, etc), and tier three being the next level ("kinky" by many standards). Rate (or rank, or re-order) the following from "kinkiest" to "least kinky", by any definition you adhere to:

Analingus ("rimming")
Cum swallowing
Anal play (fingers or toys)
Cum swapping ("snowballing")
Pussy-to-mouth sex
Action photography
Group play (3-6 participants)
Non-heterosexual contact
Light (no lasting pain) bondage play

Feel free to note if these activities are common for you, or occasional, and whether you give or receive (if applicable). Also feel free to note any other activities you think fit in my fairly arbitrary tier system (or let me know if you think it's totally off base). Be as specific or general as you like, and as anonymous or open as you like. This is all for my own curiosity/gratification - I look forward to your responses!

(For those curious, my "fourth tier" would involved what I consider to be more extreme sexual activities, including Master/Slave situations, fisting, piss sex, more extreme BDSM, etc. If anything above belongs in the third tier, or vise versa, voice that as well!)

Slutty Slutty Bang Bang

2009-10-06T18:25:00.001-07:00

Today's subject: "Slutty" (revealing/sexy) Halloween costumes for women. Why are they so popular?

A) Women secretly wish they could be more open and sexual all the time, and Halloween is a "safe" time to pursue it and act it out.

B) Women see "sluts" as something worthy of a Halloween costume, and dress up because the "costume" is weird/funny/different.

C) Horny men own all the costume companies, and force women into a narrow range of choices.

D) It's just what's popular.

Also: Is "slut" a bad word? Does it depend on context (and who's calling you one)? I don't like the connotation it usually has, but it's quite descriptive.

Still here, still doin' it up...

2009-08-25T17:48:00.000-07:00

I really should write here more often, but the great oracle at Twitter seems to be plenty for my one-line musings, so I skip the longer posts. But here's a smattering for the blog readers:

August has been absurdly busy, and is full of other people's parties. While fun, I'd like to throw one of my own. However, I have to do it this Saturday night, or wait another month, given the calendar. I think I can do it.

Nothing new swing or orgy-wise, other than a few new connections online. The aforementioned business has made finding a spare weekend night to meet these folks difficult. Meeting and getting to know another couple seems like a lot of work right now, honestly, but a lazy hedonist is an unfulfilled hedonist. Unless you're really, really into being lazy...

I'm moving all my readers from my various other accounts here, so hopefully we'll get some traction. I love you all, but I always like more readers/commenters.

I need to find a bay area babysitter if my hope for an orgy up there (where a large concentration of my open friends live) is gonna happen. Either that, or just fly in for one night, which seems annoying as well.

What's new with you, my readers? Feel free to chime in with topics, questions, comments and observation. I work best when stimulated. Don't we all?

Recap: Sexy good times

2009-07-20T18:36:00.001-07:00

So, yeah, orgy.

It was pretty awesome. Three couples, lots of naked fun, and quite a few "first times" with various things, especially for the ladies. Everyone really enjoyed themselves (as should be the case), and while four couples would have been better, three was still great.

All that said, my sex blogging and now sex party experience is teaching me quite a bit about what I like, what I want, and what I can do without and still be happy. A voyeur at heart, I love to watch. I like to see people pleasured, I like to see them try new things, and I just like to watch sex - it's hot, of course, but it's also interesting. In some ways, it's more interesting when I'm done with being aroused (usually after I've finished) - it's primal, and mechanical, and truly an interesting use of the body.

All the watching, of course, is only good to a certainly point - you go to an orgy for the sex. I like the variety offered, being able to touch and grope around, have a little of this and a little of that. The interesting people arrangements (MF, MFF, MFMF, etc.) are great as well - involving more people in the act is still very novel to me. We actually didn't do a whole lot of that this party - there were pairings, and often one or more people on either end of the pairing, but not for long, and not as the primary action. But there's always next time.

I think the most interesting thing for me was that this party really helped to solidify what I'm not looking for, both in group sex and one-on-one sex. In a group, I don't want to be tied down (figuratively, at least) - I want to sample the offerings. I want to jump from one person to the next, maybe 15-20 minutes at a time with breaks in between. I don't want to be with one person most or all of the time - it makes me feel like I'm beholden to them, and solely responsible for their pleasure, when I've got other things, and other people, to do. Part of it is the "host" in me - I'm always moving around my regular parties, making sure everyone's having fun. The same goes for the orgy.

I'm also a huge fan of just making out/touching, even if it's not specifically part of having sex. Is that weird?

Logistically, this thing was as tough to plan as I thought it would be - weird schedules, hotel plans, travel - all made it annoying. After any sort of party I'm usually ready for a break from having to plan the next. But it was certainly worth it, and I'll likely have another before long. But it'll be in Northern California - almost everyone who'd be interesting in coming lives up there. I'm looking forward to it, so I must have done something right the last time.

Just curious...

2009-07-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

As a guy, I know most of us masturbate, and do it fairly regularly. I've met some guys who say they don't, and while I have no reason to think they're lying, I'm not convinced. I don't think the number's 100%, but I'd bet it's close.

Now, women - I dunno. I know a lot of sex-positive women who freely and openly discuss their masturbation habits, and some of them think that a similar (95%) amount of all women masturbate. In my small-yet-detailed sample set of friends, however, quite a few do not masturbate, and quite a few others do it very, very rarely. Some, of course, do it all the time, and that's fine. That's better than fine, actually.

Based on my life experiences, I'd put it like this:

% men who masturbate at all: 98%
% men who masturbate regularly (once a week): 85%
% men who masturabte daily, when possible: 70-80%

% women who masturbate at all: 75%
% women who masturbate regularly (once a week): 60%
% women who masturabte daily, when possible: 35-40%

So, my question: Ladies, do most other ladies masturbate? Do you? Regularly? Do your men? Do my numbers jive with what you've seen in your life? I haven't looked at any studies/polls/surveys, but I'm curious what the word on the street is.

Oww my balls!

2009-07-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

I love a lot of things, but pain and ball torture aren't in the list. So why would a guy like me willingly take off his pants in front of a strange man intent on abusing my testicles?

Oh, there's a reason.

In a very unsexual 15 minutes, I went from having nature's most primal ability to having a 2cm incision, a numb scrotum, and what the government likes to call a "sterilization procedure" - a vasectomy. Some surprises:

- It really didn't hurt. There was tugging at first, and the needle-less anesthesia felt like repeated rubber band snaps, but once that was all happening, there was a dude slicing into my sack, and I really couldn't feel it.

- It took 15 minutes. Start to finish. Pants off to pants on. It was all done in a regular exam room, and the only special equipment was the cauterizer. I was able to walk out and go home right afterward.

- Recovery was quick. I was a little afraid of swelling and bleeding (the common risks), but there wasn't much of either. I had my first orgasm about 36 hours after the procedure, and all went well.

I'm 8 days out, now, and everything's pretty much back to normal. The boys do seem to be sitting differently, but that might be my imagination. Orgasms feel exactly the same, and so far, my cum has the same consistency. It does take a while to clean out the pipes, but it's not supposed to change. I do wish the doctor would have told me that bruising and discoloration commonly doesn't start until day 5 and lasts a while, but that's mostly gone now too. A dozen or so more orgasms, and I'll be ready for unprotected, full blast, balls out good times.

Party time!

2009-06-09T16:04:00.001-07:00

As usual, time gets the better of me, and I go weeks without posting. The on-again, off-again orgy is on again, and is shaping up nicely, especially for my first real attempt at such a thing. Recent updates:

- Hotel room secured. I'm not sure if I just keep looking at business hotels without a lot of weekend traffic, or if the economy is sucking harder than I realized, but I got a two-bedroom, two-bathroom, two-level suite for $140, on a Friday night. I'm surprised, but happy about that situation.

- Babysitting secured. This was more difficult than I imagined, for a variety of reasons. Someday, I'll do a post about the trials and tribulations of parents trying to be swingers.

- Six, possibly eight, attendees secured. This was by far the hardest part of the whole thing - getting quarum. Us and one other couple would have been fun, but not an orgy. Now that it's at least three couples (and possibly four), it gives everyone a chance to try more things, but more importantly, it gives everyone the ability to sit things out without feeling like they're depriving anyone else.

There's still some stuff left to do - getting a confirmation (either way) from couple number four, deciding on food (I'm thinking cheese and fruit, drinks, sweet snacks, and maybe something else - thoughts?), and buying sex supplies (no one wants to run out of condoms, lube, or towels during a party). But overall, it's all coming together, and hopefully Friday, we'll all be coming together!

Paying for sex? Paying $50,000 for sex?

2009-05-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a liberal guy, and I'm of the opinion that if a man wants to pay directly for sex (as opposed to paying for dinner, drinks and a night out), then that should be between him and his lady (and his significant other, if she'll be affected by it). But I'm constantly amazed when attractive, otherwise normal men pay thousands of dollars for sex.

Case in point: A woman in Florida is busted for arranging sex with porn stars and models. Men were paying between $8,000 and $50,000 for introductions and arranged meetings -- that's a lot of scratch. Maybe it's just me, but I'd think any guy who can throw around that amount of money could probably get some pretty top-shelf pussy just by putting himself out there. Fine, maybe he's married, or a pillar of virtue in his community: but don't you think it's easier to say "that random bitch is lying" than to explain away your name in a madam's book?

What gets me is that Charlie Sheen is thought to be one of her clients. Charlie Sheen: rich, pretty good looking, and popular. Already known for liking the ladies, and not minding paying for them. But I can't imagine the dude can't go the rock star route and have a "handler" find groupies who'd be more than willing to give it up for free. Dude's already got a reputation as a lady's man, it's not like getting caught with a random girl is going to hurt him (especially any more than getting caught with a pro).

I realize there's a place in our society for prostitution, and I think it should be safe and legal. I just think there are way too many men paying for sex that could easily get it for free.

How much do you tell?

2009-05-04T14:49:00.001-07:00

Returning from an appointment today, my wife thought it was very funny how she skirted the truth some when talking about her sex life - even in the most intimate of medical exams, she didn't feel it was the doctor's place to know the specifics about her sex life.

My question: How much do you tell your doctor? Do you have one that knows if you're a swinger, or poly, or just very active? Do you phrase questions in generalities insted of implying/admitting you do them yourself? Do you think it's important to tell them, either way?

Doing something right...

2009-04-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

Couple number one: Secured.

We've never had sex with them, for good reason - it's the wife's best friend and her husband. Not exactly "off limits", but still kinda weird. So assuming there are more attendees than just the four of us, it's good (the wife wants to be able to keep her distance from the best friend, at least while the action is happening - harder to do if there aren't more people there).

Couple number two is interested, but we're waiting to see if they can make it down (we have a lot of people from Northern California on our "to do" list, but the party's down here). Our local friends are still a "maybe" - I don't want to bug them, but it'd be nice to get planning.

I'll be talking to couple number four soon, and while I'm sure they're interested, I'm not sure they're available. Still considering whether it's gonna be all couples or some singles too - guess it depends on who can make it. But so far, so good! If everyone's a "yes", that's 12 people, pretty awesome. That's not even counting any friends-of-friends who may get invited.

If you're reading this, and I know you, and you're interested, let me know!

Getting down to planning

2009-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

The wife is very much down with the idea of a sex party at the house - as long as I plan it. This isn't a big surprise - she's very much the "take it as it comes" type, and loves a lot of things - she just doesn't care if it doesn't happen.

So it's on me.

As always, scheduling is the biggest bitch with these things, and most everything else other than the female/male ratio just secondary. I'm going to write up the process, both for others interested in doing such a thing, and to motivate me (both in writing, and in planning). Here's what I'm thinking, as of today, anyway:

- Couples-mostly party. My single lady friends will be welcome too. Luckily for me, there really aren't any single guys I'd have to tell "no, sorry dude" to.

- At LEAST a 50/50 ratio of men to women, preferably with one or two extra women.

- June, before it gets too hot. Hot and naked is fun, sweating when you're not even doing anything? Not so much.

- Mostly people I know. Close friends-of-friends are great, but I'm not going to open it up to strangers (so get to know me now).

- 8-12 people total. That gives everyone both the option to do a lot of things/people, and the option to check out without feeling like they're depriving someone else.

I'm not sure yet on location. My house is definitely easiest and big enough, but there are logistical issues as well. A hotel could work, but we'd need a pretty awesome suite with at least 3 beds -still, it's doable.

Any advice or suggestions are welcome - I've tried planning a few of these before, but scheduling issues have always gotten in the way. I think the first step is find out when the norcalers can make it down, and plan accordingly. More updates soon!

Sexy party!

2009-04-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Not that there are a lot of you reading, yet, but man, I really shouldn't go a month between updates...

While I decide this periodically, I've decided again that it's time for a larger (8-12 people) sex party. Well, maybe a "sexy party" - not everyone has to have sex there if they don't want - but at least a party where it's encouraged and provided for. There's actually more interest this time, assuming we find a date that works for everyone (always an issue). It doesn't help that half the likely attendees are in northern California, but hey, what can you do?

Updates to come!

Breaching the subject

2009-03-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

If it wasn't obvious, this blog and my twitter account are anonymous - it's not that I want to be this private, but there are just a lot of people I'd prefer didn't read this type of information about me - family, most coworkers, old friends. Because I have such a huge online presence in my "real" life, the connections would be quick and widespread, and there's even a chance it could hurt me professionally.

So here we are.

I envision a world where we can talk about sex and pleasure and good times without the social weirdness that goes along with it. But I'm as guilty as anyone else - most of what's stopping me is that I say things that I just want some people to see.

This of course, brings up another question - what about the people who don't know about this side of me, but I'd like for them to? For the most part, these are women I'm interested in, but that don't know I'm a swinger. I worry that while they're my friends, they're really not that interested in my sex life (hell, I have plenty of friends whose sex lifes are entirely unappealing/uninteresting to me). I don't want to totally change our relationship dynamic for the worst, but fear that may be the risk if I'd like it to change for the sexy.

Thoughts? Advice?

When the drive for one pleasure replaces another

2009-03-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

You know those people who start a blog with good intentions, then stop posting after a little while?

Yeah, that's been me.

I have the regular set of excuses, too - tired, busy, Daylight Saving Time, whatever. I thought I should write something down, though.

So here I am.

The normal pleasures of life - most namely good food and good sex - have been replaced with the drive for good sleep. This too will pass: 7am won't feel like 6am by next week, and I won't be suddenly awake when I should be going to bed. None of this will replace the "busy" excuse, but it'll help, I'm sure.

Speaking of busy, the wife and I aren't making the most of our Adult Friend Finder membership. I don't think we're the only people with grand intentions of meeting new people, only to forget to login, reply to email, or generally socialize with those we could eventually meet. Does this happen to you? If you're on AFF too, let me know - it's a nice place to share pics, etc. without the total openness of even this anonymous blog. Either way, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

On Ethical Hedonism

2009-02-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

I figure I'm going to get this question eventually - "What is ethical hedonism?" so I'll answer it, and give myself an excuse to write.

First, Hedonism: Life is pleasure. By some definitions, pleasure is the only thing that matters in life, and is the only thing which is "good". The term is widely thrown around, but usually has the above elements as central.

Ethical Hedonism still holds that pleasure is a defining goal in life, but puts the stipulation that it can't harm others. For example, most of us would agree that sex is quite pleasurable and is a standard hedonistic pursuit. The ethical hedonist, however, woudln't just do it whenever he or she wanted, or with whomever he or she wanted - considerations would have to be made for spouses, other primary relationships (of both/all partners) and the potential for harm.

Simply? You shouldn't fuck someone if you don't have permission from your (and their) other partners, unless they've got that agreement. If you're lying, cheating or could potentially hurt someone with your actions, then your actions probably don't fit under the "ethical" umbrella.

For the most part, we all live this way. People will often do stupid things that hurt someone else, but I've met very few honestly bad, hurtful people in my time (this could be because anyone like that wouldn't stay connected to me long). People who do stupid things or make bad choices aren't usually bad - they just fucked up.

Ultiamtely, ethics are decided by the individual, and we're all different. What's "harmful" to me might be matter-of-fact to you - and that's fine. But generally, people can appreciate the societial norms of the social groups they're in, and know what's considered "right" and what's not. Play by the rules, and you're probably doing alright.

If you're reading here, I have a feeling you're already an ethical hedonist.

Hello World!

2009-02-26T17:40:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the new "Your Friendly Neighborhood Hedonits" Blog. There isn't an old one or anything, but I wanted a clean slate/fresh start from some other private/secret/anonymous sites I've run in the past.

We'll see what this blog becomes - until there's some content, feel free to make suggestions. For a variety of reasons, I'm going to remain name-anonymous here (meaning that you could probably figure out who I am if you read enough, but I'm not gonna spell it out for you), but you're free to be whoever you like. And just because I won't use my name doesn't mean I won't be totally honest - that's kinda the point here, isn't it?

At the moment, I'm hoping for lots of little updates, essays on ethical hedonism, all sorts of frank sexual discussion, and a host of other things. If you're a twitter user, please follow me at http://twitter.com/OCHedonist. It's what inspired me to actually start a new blog. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!